1 Samuel 15:11

“It repenteth me that I have set up Saul to be king: for he is turned back from following me, and hath not performed my commandments. And it grieved Samuel; and he cried unto the Lord all night.”

-- KJV

I never thought that I could hurt God.

I am a Taurus. Admitting that is kinda sinful. We were never supposed to be taught about the horoscope. But I digress...

I am and always have been stubborn. If I was told to use caution, I exercised wanton disregard. If I was advised to relax, I tensed up. That is who I always have been. In this lesson, I learned that using the excuse "I did the best I could" when I knew I hadn't, I was damaging the myself. Convincing myself that I can't do it before I try is not just lazy, it is an affront to God. Because that is what Saul did. He was told by God himself exactly what to do. The task was manageable and perfectly achievable. That said, it was messy. Not something easy or inconsequential. His order was to eliminate a race of peoples. Genocide. Regardless of what our culture tells us today, the point is not that the man could not grasp the good in the act. Had that been Saul's motivation to defy God, perhaps he would been forgiven. Perhaps not.

King Saul disobeyed because of greed. He killed everyone and every thing except that which was coveted by him and those he commanded.

I don't think Saul's defiance is what broke God's heart, it was the reason for Saul's defiance. Consider the contrast:

"No, God, I failed to follow your instructions because I could not stomach killing those children..."

Or,

"No, God, I failed to follow your instructions because that cow looked so tasty."

Interpretation: I killed the children, but the tomatoes I spared.

I think that is what broke God's heart. The funny thing though, is not the why but the how. I would have bet money that God's omnipotence would protect him from suffering from painful emotions. I admit, now, I was was very wrong.

Version Study & Takeaway

I regret that
It grieveth me
Nacham

What a difference a word makes. To me, I regret when I buy a product that goes on sale the next week. I regret I bought it to soon.

I grieve when I lose a friend. When my mother died. When a friend is found dead form an overdose.

Nacham is the hebrew word that "regret" and "Grieveth" came from originally.

Nacham is what I would feel if I had a wife and three children who died in a plane crash that took 200 souls with them.

The Takeaway:

It would seem that our defiance doesn't lead to God brushing it off and moving on. He doesn't get "butt-hurt". We injure Him deeply. I have no choice but to try not to hurt Him that way, no matter what kind of shallow inconvenience I might have to suffer as a result.

God has feelings too.

1 Samuel 15:7-25

WEB

Can a stubborn man break God's heart?

7 Saul struck the Amalekites, from Havilah as you go to Shur, which is before Egypt.

He took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive, and utterly destroyed all the people with the edge of the sword.

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, of the cattle, of the fat calves, of the lambs, and all that was good, and were not willing to utterly destroy them; but everything that was vile and refuse, that they destroyed utterly.

Then Yahweh’s word came to Samuel, saying,

“It grieves me that I have set up Saul to be king, for he has turned back from following me, and has not performed my commandments.” Samuel was angry; and he cried to Yahweh all night.

Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning; and Samuel was told, saying, “Saul came to Carmel, and behold, he set up a monument for himself, turned, passed on, and went down to Gilgal.”

Samuel came to Saul; and Saul said to him, “You are blessed by Yahweh! I have performed the commandment of Yahweh.”

Samuel said, “Then what does this bleating of the sheep in my ears and the lowing of the cattle which I hear mean?”

Saul said, “They have brought them from the Amalekites; for the people spared the best of the sheep and of the cattle, to sacrifice to Yahweh your God. We have utterly destroyed the rest.”

Then Samuel said to Saul, “Stay, and I will tell you what Yahweh said to me last night.”

He said to him, “Say on.”

Samuel said, “Though you were little in your own sight, weren’t you made the head of the tribes of Israel? Yahweh anointed you king over Israel;

and Yahweh sent you on a journey, and said, ‘Go, and utterly destroy the sinners the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’

Why then didn’t you obey Yahweh’s voice, but took the plunder, and did that which was evil in Yahweh’s sight?”

Saul said to Samuel, “But I have obeyed Yahweh’s voice, and have gone the way which Yahweh sent me, and have brought Agag the king of Amalek, and have utterly destroyed the Amalekites.

But the people took of the plunder, sheep and cattle, the best of the devoted things, to sacrifice to Yahweh your God in Gilgal.”

Samuel said, “Has Yahweh as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying Yahweh’s voice? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as idolatry and teraphim.[a] Because you have rejected Yahweh’s word, he has also rejected you from being king.”

Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned; for I have transgressed the commandment of Yahweh and your words, because I feared the people and obeyed their voice.

Now therefore, please pardon my sin, and turn again with me, that I may worship Yahweh.”