Psalm 38:4

“For mine iniquities are gone over my head: as a heavy burden they are too heavy for me.”

-- Jubilee Bible

This was and is my Achilles' Heel.

Anyone who has read 3,000 Souls Down will understand this. I have not lived a life that anyone would call free of crimes. My rap sheet is long and felonious. I am lucky, I guess, that I kept my crimes well enough hidden as to not be documented by the criminal justice system. But the Accuser keeps a comprehensive record.

The pain of those crimes committed against me and those crimes I committed against you lingers, and probably always will. I am not sure, as a man of my years, that the habit of self-hate can be completely wiped away from the inside out.

But I have to take strength, not comfort, in the knowledge that my faults can only be used against me if I decide to continue to lust for the easy way out. God does not expect perfection, and I am not Jesus.

My comfort comes from my understanding and faith in the belief that my job is to continue to offer myself up to His will, and never look back, not even on those days that may seem to difficult to bear.

Version Study

Version Study

Notice the subtle difference between translations.

The NIV translates verse 4 as: “like a burden too heavy to bear.” It leaves the question hanging—too heavy for whom? A reader in despair might conclude that the burden is simply impossible for anyone to lift, not even God.

Now look at the Jubilee Bible and the original Hebrew text. The phrase is kāḇēḏ mimmenni—literally, “too heavy for me.”

That small distinction changes everything. The burden isn't too heavy for God; it is too heavy for us.

In active addiction, we try to carry the crushing weight of our past, our guilt, and our grief alone—and when we inevitably buckle under it, we reach for something to numb the pain. The Psalmist isn't saying there is no relief. He is recognizing human limits.

The burden was never ours to carry. God will handle it in whatever way He sees fit. When we hand the weight over to Him, we can finally stop using escape to survive it. Let go of the need to carry it, and the craving to numb it goes with it.

My comfort comes from understanding and faith—the belief that my job is simply to offer myself up to His will and never look back, not even on the days that seem too difficult to bear.

A Psalm of David. A petition.

NIV

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath.

Your arrows have pierced me, and your hand has come down on me.

Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; there is no soundness in my bones because of my sin.

My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.

My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly.

I am bowed down and brought very low;

all day long I go about mourning.

My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body.

I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart.

All my longings lie open before you, Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you.

My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes.

My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away.

Those who want to kill me set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day long they scheme and lie.

I am like the deaf, who cannot hear, like the mute, who cannot speak;

I have become like one who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.

Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.

For I said, “Do not let them gloat or exalt themselves over me when my feet slip.”

For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me.

I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin.

Many have become my enemies without cause; those who hate me without reason are numerous.

Those who repay my good with evil lodge accusations against me, though I seek only to do what is good.

Lord, do not forsake me; do not be far from me, my God.

Come quickly to help me, my Lord and my Savior.